2023-05-09: identity

one day, i realized that the binding to my current alias was completely ephemeral. nothing required me to stay under the same name, behavior, and identity. at any moment, i could just become another person, completely congruent with the rules of the internet. at this point, i started to entertain the idea of creating a new self, removed from everything related to me; a new blob of ink on the painting of the internet. i've met several people who i know have alternate identities, but i don't know what those alternate identities are. maybe, with enough effort, could i pull off the same?

i began planning. new name, username, branding, mannerisms, accounts, devices, everything. a profile specially crafted, unique enough to show difference from my current self, but similar enough to not be a complete contrast. i went through pages of name ideas, drafts of how i'd act, new interests to go with. i compared it internally to the same feeling i experienced when i made my first account on the internet, picking my first username. what could be perfect enough to define me? what would the end result of all this searching be?

i could write an entire half truthy autobiography of myself, with enough specially crafted details to not make total sense - missing enough pieces to still stay truly anonymous; or i could skip all of that and enjoy my new nondescript identity. you don't need to know me (location, interests, hobbies), after all - that's just more traces of my digital fingerprint. for an entire identity centered around the experiment of true anonymity, how much would it take to discover each clue?

let's keep it short, considering each sentence i write here is just more danger, more clues. four paragraphs should be enough to introduce myself without prompting who i am. if you do figure it out, though, let me know. even i see some weak points in my own defense, but maybe i'm just paranoid. it's a lot easier to think of ways to find yourself when you are yourself. it doesn't really matter, though, because when given two hours i'll just be someone else.

~ lily